1
00:00:03,035 --> 00:00:06,337
[♪]
2
00:01:15,441 --> 00:01:17,075
Peg:
Come on, al.
3
00:01:17,076 --> 00:01:19,611
Is that the best you can do?
4
00:01:19,612 --> 00:01:21,213
Al:
Peg, I can't concentrate
5
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:23,881
If you're gonna keep
shouting instructions.
6
00:01:24,917 --> 00:01:28,052
Peg:
Not like that, you moron.
7
00:01:28,053 --> 00:01:30,822
Who taught you
to do this, anyway?
8
00:01:30,823 --> 00:01:32,657
Al:
All right, that's it. I quit.
9
00:01:32,658 --> 00:01:34,559
Haven't we done enough
for one day?
10
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:35,893
Peg:
Oh, all right.
11
00:01:35,894 --> 00:01:37,629
At least ya did something.
12
00:01:43,669 --> 00:01:47,505
I'm sick of spending
my day-off scooping doodie.
13
00:01:47,506 --> 00:01:48,940
Damn dog.
14
00:01:48,941 --> 00:01:52,643
Why can't he use marcie's yard
like everybody else?
15
00:01:52,644 --> 00:01:55,146
Well, here's another "why"
for you to ponder, honey.
16
00:01:55,147 --> 00:01:57,048
Why'd you bring
the doodie in the house?
17
00:01:58,250 --> 00:01:59,484
[chuckles]
18
00:01:59,485 --> 00:02:00,718
Heh-heh-heh.
19
00:02:00,719 --> 00:02:01,886
For the fun part, peg.
20
00:02:01,887 --> 00:02:02,920
Watch this.
21
00:02:07,159 --> 00:02:08,159
[grunts]
22
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:09,660
Woman:
Yow!
23
00:02:10,562 --> 00:02:12,063
Sorry, ma'am.
24
00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:15,200
I hit a power-walker, peg.
25
00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:17,068
[both laughing]
26
00:02:19,772 --> 00:02:20,772
She's coming in.
27
00:02:20,773 --> 00:02:21,906
Oh, whoa!
28
00:02:25,678 --> 00:02:27,045
Kelly:
Come on, bud.
29
00:02:27,046 --> 00:02:28,746
My assignment
for modeling school
30
00:02:28,747 --> 00:02:30,548
Is to take a total wreck
of a human,
31
00:02:30,549 --> 00:02:32,050
A complete fashion frog,
32
00:02:32,051 --> 00:02:33,284
And do a makeover.
33
00:02:33,285 --> 00:02:35,152
Please, I need an absolute zero,
34
00:02:35,153 --> 00:02:38,122
And everyone says
that you'd be perfect.
35
00:02:38,991 --> 00:02:40,524
[doorbell rings]
36
00:02:40,525 --> 00:02:42,927
Now, I have carefully crafted
my look over the years
37
00:02:42,928 --> 00:02:46,464
Into the finely-honed babe train
you see before you.
38
00:02:46,465 --> 00:02:47,565
[doorbell rings]
39
00:02:47,566 --> 00:02:50,568
To look at me,
is to love me.
40
00:02:56,475 --> 00:02:59,844
Sometimes love's
a hurtin' thing.
41
00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:02,780
I am not like
the other girls you know.
42
00:03:02,781 --> 00:03:04,949
I don't wanna change
your face or your body
43
00:03:04,950 --> 00:03:07,185
Or your odious personality.
44
00:03:07,186 --> 00:03:09,153
Just give me a shot
at your clothes.
45
00:03:09,154 --> 00:03:12,823
And what is wrong
with my clothes, kel?
46
00:03:18,397 --> 00:03:20,265
Nothing, yoda.
47
00:03:27,005 --> 00:03:28,706
If you're referring
to the jacket,
48
00:03:28,707 --> 00:03:33,244
The salesgirl said kevin costner
swears by these jackets.
49
00:03:33,245 --> 00:03:34,979
And it is not a yoda jacket.
50
00:03:34,980 --> 00:03:36,881
If it was, it wouldn't have been
up on the rack
51
00:03:36,882 --> 00:03:38,716
Next to
the dick tracy raincoats.
52
00:03:40,152 --> 00:03:41,586
Oh, god.
53
00:03:41,587 --> 00:03:44,722
I'm dressed like
an action figure.
54
00:03:44,723 --> 00:03:47,859
[tearfully]
kel, help me. Shoot me.
Dress me.
55
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,861
There, there, ewok.
56
00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:52,063
Just trust me.
57
00:03:52,064 --> 00:03:53,298
When I'm through with you,
58
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,066
The only laughter
that you're gonna hear
59
00:03:55,067 --> 00:03:57,735
Is when you're
out of your clothes.
60
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:16,454
Oh, al.
Take me again.
61
00:04:16,455 --> 00:04:19,824
I didn't even know
I was taking you then.
62
00:04:19,825 --> 00:04:20,958
I tripped on a box,
63
00:04:20,959 --> 00:04:23,627
And then I thought
the furnace fell on me.
64
00:04:24,864 --> 00:04:25,830
[doorbell rings]
65
00:04:27,566 --> 00:04:30,602
Probably god,
personally delivering a plague.
66
00:04:33,205 --> 00:04:34,272
Excuse me.
67
00:04:34,273 --> 00:04:37,242
Is this magnificent
beast yours?
68
00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:38,610
Yes, but she's very expensive.
69
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,612
[laughs]
70
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:41,946
Uh, no.
71
00:04:41,947 --> 00:04:44,048
No, I meant the dog.
72
00:04:44,049 --> 00:04:45,750
I don't know
that dog.
Not ours.
73
00:04:45,751 --> 00:04:47,719
We chased it
off the lawn.
Oh.
74
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,453
If you could tell me
whom he belongs to,
75
00:04:49,454 --> 00:04:52,523
It might be worth $10,000
to the owner.
76
00:04:53,492 --> 00:04:54,992
Ah, look, peg.
77
00:04:54,993 --> 00:04:58,729
That's our beloved
family pet.
78
00:04:58,730 --> 00:05:01,999
I'm interested in using
your dog as a stud.
79
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,502
Well, let me--
let me ask the dog.
80
00:05:06,738 --> 00:05:08,439
What do you say, boy?
81
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,708
Well, he's not the most
attractive man in the world,
82
00:05:10,709 --> 00:05:12,343
But he's got a kind face.
83
00:05:12,344 --> 00:05:14,411
Don't you think you could
maybe do something--?
84
00:05:14,412 --> 00:05:17,682
It's not for me,
you nitwit.
85
00:05:17,683 --> 00:05:19,116
It's for my dog.
86
00:05:19,117 --> 00:05:21,953
Oh, uh...
87
00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:23,988
For your dog.
Yeah.
88
00:05:23,989 --> 00:05:24,989
Uh--
89
00:05:24,990 --> 00:05:26,858
[chuckles]
90
00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:29,360
Peg, why don't you go upstairs
and get buck's jacket
91
00:05:29,361 --> 00:05:33,030
And his little collar, you know,
his-- his evening collar.
92
00:05:33,031 --> 00:05:36,133
Yeah, and maybe I better
throw in his muzzle.
93
00:05:36,134 --> 00:05:39,169
We wouldn't want the other dog
to get his hand bit.
94
00:05:39,170 --> 00:05:41,171
[giggling]
95
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:43,441
Perhaps I should explain.
96
00:05:43,442 --> 00:05:45,710
Uh, perhaps you should
do it from there.
97
00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:50,615
I am the proud owner
of grand champion
98
00:05:50,616 --> 00:05:53,084
Astoria's lady of marseilles.
99
00:05:53,085 --> 00:05:54,586
Winner of the best of breed,
100
00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:57,255
Edinburgh international
dog show.
101
00:05:57,256 --> 00:06:01,091
I believe she is
the best briard bitch
102
00:06:01,092 --> 00:06:03,460
On the circuit today.
103
00:06:03,461 --> 00:06:05,162
And I'd want to mate her
with your dog,
104
00:06:05,163 --> 00:06:07,231
Whose fine bones
I couldn't help but notice
105
00:06:07,232 --> 00:06:11,736
As he, um, fell down
when he lifted his leg to pee.
106
00:06:11,737 --> 00:06:14,338
Well, that can happen
to a guy.
107
00:06:14,339 --> 00:06:16,141
Many's the time
my leg falls asleep,
108
00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:19,144
Before you know it, whoop,
you're on your side.
109
00:06:20,212 --> 00:06:22,380
Spare us, al.
110
00:06:22,381 --> 00:06:24,082
Relive some
old football memories
111
00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:25,316
In your head
or something.
112
00:06:25,317 --> 00:06:27,418
I'm gonna talk
to this man.
113
00:06:27,419 --> 00:06:29,254
So how do we get
that 10 thou?
114
00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:32,590
By breeding your champion
with mine.
115
00:06:32,591 --> 00:06:35,093
I'll fly her in
from munich,
116
00:06:37,229 --> 00:06:39,563
And upon successful breeding,
117
00:06:39,564 --> 00:06:43,835
I will pay the stud fee
of $10,000.
118
00:06:43,836 --> 00:06:44,836
Here's my card.
119
00:06:44,837 --> 00:06:47,238
Call me to arrange a date.
120
00:06:47,239 --> 00:06:49,540
Oh, and by the way,
121
00:06:49,541 --> 00:06:53,144
My astoria is
a very discerning dog.
122
00:06:53,145 --> 00:06:55,180
So, for god's sakes,
123
00:06:55,181 --> 00:06:58,683
Please, brush
your dog's teeth.
124
00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:02,486
Oh!
125
00:07:02,487 --> 00:07:04,122
Did you hear that, al?
126
00:07:04,123 --> 00:07:05,623
[groans]
127
00:07:08,493 --> 00:07:10,561
Wake up, gipper.
128
00:07:10,562 --> 00:07:12,130
Look at him, al.
129
00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:14,799
Our home finally has
a breadwinner.
130
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,868
And he's a good boy too.
131
00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:19,237
He's a good little boy.
You're gonna get a lot of money.
132
00:07:19,238 --> 00:07:22,240
Yes, you are.
I was all city,
you know, boy.
133
00:07:23,242 --> 00:07:25,243
God, what is taking him
so long?
134
00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:26,277
Bud, come down here,
135
00:07:26,278 --> 00:07:28,579
The girls from my class
are waiting.
136
00:07:28,580 --> 00:07:30,581
Bud:
I'm not ready.
137
00:07:30,582 --> 00:07:31,582
Relax, kel.
138
00:07:31,583 --> 00:07:33,051
What do you care
about your grade?
139
00:07:33,052 --> 00:07:34,418
You're getting
a cut of $10,000
140
00:07:34,419 --> 00:07:35,486
From your dog anyway.
141
00:07:35,487 --> 00:07:36,654
Yeah, but I'm probably
142
00:07:36,655 --> 00:07:38,556
Gonna have to put that away
for my old age.
143
00:07:38,557 --> 00:07:41,726
You know the big two-five
is not so far away.
144
00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:45,763
Bud [sighing]:
I'm ready.
145
00:07:45,764 --> 00:07:49,267
Okay. Now, we all remember what
bud looked like before, right?
146
00:07:49,268 --> 00:07:51,569
Sick.
Ew.
Ew.
147
00:07:51,570 --> 00:07:53,338
Okay, yeah, well,
hold that thought
148
00:07:53,339 --> 00:07:56,374
While I introduce you
to the new bud light.
149
00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:57,742
Budrick?
150
00:08:12,591 --> 00:08:14,091
[clears throat]
151
00:08:14,826 --> 00:08:16,861
What do you think, ladies?
152
00:08:16,862 --> 00:08:20,598
Early james dean or
the bride of leavenworth?
153
00:08:21,599 --> 00:08:23,935
Well, you'll notice
how the attention
154
00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:27,004
Has been subtly diverted
from the danger area,
155
00:08:27,005 --> 00:08:28,639
His face,
156
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:30,808
By the hat and
the plunging neckline.
157
00:08:30,809 --> 00:08:34,645
Which, if he had a chest,
would now be exposed.
158
00:08:34,646 --> 00:08:37,281
Kelly, you're gonna get
an a for sure.
159
00:08:38,150 --> 00:08:39,150
I'm gonna go change
160
00:08:39,151 --> 00:08:41,452
And hang myself
in the shower now.
161
00:08:41,453 --> 00:08:44,255
Oh, please, not yet.
162
00:08:44,256 --> 00:08:46,157
Wouldn't you like
to go to the movies
163
00:08:46,158 --> 00:08:48,959
Or my dad's condo?
164
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:51,262
Hey!
165
00:08:51,263 --> 00:08:52,730
I was gonna ask.
166
00:08:52,731 --> 00:08:53,964
I always liked him.
167
00:08:53,965 --> 00:08:55,766
Well, then wait till
I'm through with him.
168
00:08:55,767 --> 00:08:57,001
[clears throat]
169
00:08:57,002 --> 00:08:58,202
Thank you, ladies,
170
00:08:58,203 --> 00:09:00,004
But the entertainment
is over for the day.
171
00:09:00,005 --> 00:09:02,473
The clown must rest.
172
00:09:02,474 --> 00:09:04,942
I don't believe
any of you for a second.
173
00:09:04,943 --> 00:09:06,944
Well, would you
believe this?
174
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:11,849
Well, how 'bout this?
175
00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:15,686
He's mine.
He's mine.
176
00:09:15,687 --> 00:09:17,555
I saw him first when
he came down the stairs.
177
00:09:17,556 --> 00:09:19,657
Please!
I'm better friends
with kelly than you.
178
00:09:19,658 --> 00:09:21,459
He was looking at me.
He was looking at--
179
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,694
Ladies, ladies, ladies.
180
00:09:23,695 --> 00:09:26,030
Now, we're all adults here.
181
00:09:26,031 --> 00:09:27,731
There's plenty of room
on this body
182
00:09:27,732 --> 00:09:29,767
For all of your hands.
183
00:09:31,236 --> 00:09:33,437
[clears throat]
184
00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:37,976
Uh, kel.
185
00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:39,943
Tell mom I'll be home
in a couple of days
186
00:09:39,944 --> 00:09:41,178
And to buy some food,
187
00:09:41,179 --> 00:09:42,747
'cause I think
I'm gonna be hungry.
188
00:09:52,991 --> 00:09:54,191
Mother.
189
00:09:54,192 --> 00:09:55,426
Father.
190
00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:01,766
Hey, how did buck do?
191
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:05,103
Did he and the girl dog
consummate?
192
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,437
Well, not exactly.
193
00:10:06,438 --> 00:10:08,773
Buck got this really confused
look on his face,
194
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:10,641
Like he had no idea
what to do.
195
00:10:10,642 --> 00:10:11,642
[chuckles]
196
00:10:11,643 --> 00:10:13,778
I know that look well.
197
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,013
If I've seen it once,
198
00:10:16,014 --> 00:10:17,949
I've seen it once
every three months.
199
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,617
[chuckles]
200
00:10:19,618 --> 00:10:22,587
Now, peg, there's $10,000
at stake here.
201
00:10:22,588 --> 00:10:25,289
Not nearly enough
for what I'm about to do,
202
00:10:25,290 --> 00:10:26,591
But if you want
to get rich,
203
00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:28,993
Sometimes you have
to get dirty.
204
00:10:28,994 --> 00:10:30,928
Peg, let's go upstairs.
205
00:10:30,929 --> 00:10:32,997
I want buck to learn
from the best.
206
00:10:39,471 --> 00:10:40,505
Come on, buck!
207
00:10:40,506 --> 00:10:42,573
Come on, boy!
208
00:11:02,961 --> 00:11:04,094
Come here, boy.
209
00:11:04,095 --> 00:11:05,295
Gee, al.
Come here, boy.
210
00:11:05,296 --> 00:11:07,097
You were magnificent.
211
00:11:07,098 --> 00:11:08,966
Where does he get it from?
212
00:11:08,967 --> 00:11:10,835
You know, I don't think
I've ever seen a dog
213
00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:14,404
Try to cover his eyes
with his paws before.
214
00:11:14,405 --> 00:11:16,406
Well, that's what
I don't understand, peg.
215
00:11:16,407 --> 00:11:17,875
If he could
copy that from me,
216
00:11:17,876 --> 00:11:20,644
Why couldn't he copy
the rest?
217
00:11:20,645 --> 00:11:23,313
Well, he does change
his underwear and socks
218
00:11:23,314 --> 00:11:24,482
As often as you do.
219
00:11:24,483 --> 00:11:25,683
[laughs]
220
00:11:25,684 --> 00:11:27,618
She's just kidding, boy.
221
00:11:27,619 --> 00:11:30,420
She knows as well as we do
that the man is the king.
222
00:11:30,421 --> 00:11:31,421
[laughs]
223
00:11:31,422 --> 00:11:33,423
[quietly]
what are you doing?
224
00:11:33,424 --> 00:11:35,258
We're trying to make him
wanna have sex.
225
00:11:35,259 --> 00:11:37,862
Isn't that
a good boy?
226
00:11:39,430 --> 00:11:41,064
The man is the king.
227
00:11:41,065 --> 00:11:42,600
He loves me
till I scream,
228
00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:46,269
"oh, baby. Oh, baby.
Please stop."
229
00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:54,979
Hey, here's a proud beauty,
eh, boy?
230
00:11:55,848 --> 00:11:58,015
Legs that won't quit.
231
00:11:58,016 --> 00:12:01,318
Quite a saucy little lilt
to the tail.
232
00:12:01,319 --> 00:12:05,022
Look at that come-hither look
on her snout.
233
00:12:05,023 --> 00:12:06,724
Now, what I would do
if I were you,
234
00:12:06,725 --> 00:12:09,560
Next time you hop
that briard,
235
00:12:09,561 --> 00:12:11,696
I'd just close my eyes
236
00:12:11,697 --> 00:12:14,699
And pretend I was
bundyfying a poodle.
237
00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:18,135
Listen to him, buck.
238
00:12:18,136 --> 00:12:20,203
He satisfied me.
239
00:12:20,204 --> 00:12:22,706
Look how happy I am.
240
00:12:25,811 --> 00:12:26,911
Gee, al.
241
00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:28,879
Nice to see you
down on all fours,
242
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:30,748
Like your forefathers.
243
00:12:32,050 --> 00:12:34,819
Next, perhaps you could point
to a wheel and say,
244
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:37,054
"me no understand wheel thing.
245
00:12:37,055 --> 00:12:39,557
Wanna buy some shoes?"
246
00:12:41,726 --> 00:12:43,861
Well, it-- it looks
like something
247
00:12:43,862 --> 00:12:46,864
That come from the colonel,
all right, but the, uh--
248
00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:54,037
But the, uh-- the legs
are picked clean,
249
00:12:54,038 --> 00:12:56,540
A-and I don't see
any breasts.
250
00:12:57,976 --> 00:12:58,876
[laughs]
251
00:12:58,877 --> 00:13:01,746
That was a good one, eh, boy?
252
00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:03,313
Well, from where I stand,
253
00:13:03,314 --> 00:13:05,082
The brain has been picked clean,
254
00:13:05,083 --> 00:13:06,817
And I can't find any hair.
255
00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:10,020
So, what's he doing,
256
00:13:10,021 --> 00:13:12,890
Regaling buck with his
high school football stories?
257
00:13:12,891 --> 00:13:15,760
Ha! Buck's heard all
of those a thousand times.
258
00:13:17,228 --> 00:13:20,163
Don't you two people understand
that what this dog needs to see
259
00:13:20,164 --> 00:13:23,634
Is a strong, undisputed
male role model.
260
00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:29,941
Ah, gigi's home.
261
00:13:32,344 --> 00:13:33,710
Thank you, ladies,
262
00:13:33,711 --> 00:13:36,713
But I think I can make it
the rest of the way myself.
263
00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:44,422
Ah!
264
00:13:44,423 --> 00:13:46,757
To be young again.
265
00:13:46,758 --> 00:13:50,227
Buck, make sure no harm
comes to the ladies.
266
00:13:53,531 --> 00:13:55,799
Uh, son,
267
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:58,569
Those were girls
you were with, right?
268
00:13:58,570 --> 00:14:01,072
They're women now.
269
00:14:02,607 --> 00:14:04,275
Now, look, son,
I didn't say anything
270
00:14:04,276 --> 00:14:05,443
When you were, you know,
271
00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:07,611
Lilac-ing around the house
the other day, or--
272
00:14:07,612 --> 00:14:09,913
Or yesterday when you
were wearing that skirt.
273
00:14:11,049 --> 00:14:12,850
Kilt, dad.
274
00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:15,252
Sure, son.
275
00:14:15,253 --> 00:14:17,087
But tell me something, bud.
276
00:14:17,088 --> 00:14:19,857
Y-you will be playing
baseball again, won't you?
277
00:14:21,226 --> 00:14:22,559
Hey, mom, dad.
278
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,461
Did bud tell you yet?
279
00:14:24,462 --> 00:14:25,629
Well, not in so many words,
280
00:14:25,630 --> 00:14:27,965
But we're not blind.
281
00:14:30,268 --> 00:14:31,869
Not that.
282
00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:33,970
I got an a
for making him over.
283
00:14:33,971 --> 00:14:36,173
There was
some stiff competition too.
284
00:14:36,174 --> 00:14:37,675
This one girl
brought in a chimp
285
00:14:37,676 --> 00:14:41,178
Who was wearing a baseball cap
and a pair of polka-dot speedos.
286
00:14:41,179 --> 00:14:43,514
But I got the a
because my teacher said
287
00:14:43,515 --> 00:14:46,383
That I had less raw material
to work with.
288
00:14:47,686 --> 00:14:50,187
Well, human-for-a-day,
the assignment's over.
289
00:14:50,188 --> 00:14:54,025
I gotta get these clothes
back to la petite poof.
290
00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:57,627
No way, meals-on-heels.
291
00:14:57,628 --> 00:14:59,396
I'm floatin' on
an ocean o' babes,
292
00:14:59,397 --> 00:15:02,266
And I needs my fishnets.
293
00:15:02,267 --> 00:15:06,404
Do you realize that it costs me
$25 a day to rent this stuff?
294
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:09,006
Well, that's more
than it costs to rent you.
295
00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:12,476
Hi, kelly.
296
00:15:12,477 --> 00:15:14,078
Hi, kelly.
297
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,483
[laughs]
298
00:15:19,484 --> 00:15:21,218
Ah, come on--
don't worry, al.
299
00:15:21,219 --> 00:15:22,386
He's just rebelling.
300
00:15:22,387 --> 00:15:23,955
I did it myself
for a while.
301
00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:25,122
'course, I just drank--
302
00:15:25,123 --> 00:15:27,124
Drank beer
and smoked cigarettes.
303
00:15:27,125 --> 00:15:30,995
But then I wasn't rebelling
against heterosexuality.
304
00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:32,430
You know,
speaking of which,
305
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:34,465
I think you've got
a problem with your dog.
306
00:15:34,466 --> 00:15:35,599
Oh, we know
all about it.
307
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:39,437
Neither he nor his master
can perform.
308
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:42,005
Oh, well,
I can't speak for al.
309
00:15:42,006 --> 00:15:44,809
The satisfied look
on peggy's face does that.
310
00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:51,215
But your dog is
a veritable windmill
311
00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:53,551
Out on my yard with every dog
in the neighborhood,
312
00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:55,152
Even the hendersons' lawn elf.
313
00:15:56,822 --> 00:15:58,689
He's out there every day.
314
00:15:58,690 --> 00:16:01,392
You see, peg, that's
this trouble with the briard.
315
00:16:01,393 --> 00:16:03,594
He's exhausted!
316
00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:05,763
Well, I'll put a stop to this.
317
00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:08,298
Oh, gee. This should be
worth watching.
318
00:16:08,299 --> 00:16:09,366
[dogs snarling]
319
00:16:09,367 --> 00:16:10,734
'cause I don't think it's wise
320
00:16:10,735 --> 00:16:13,671
For al to try and break up
a tryst between buck
321
00:16:13,672 --> 00:16:16,006
And what appears to be
a very large rottweiler
322
00:16:16,007 --> 00:16:17,474
With a spike collar.
323
00:16:17,475 --> 00:16:18,709
[dogs snarling]
324
00:16:18,710 --> 00:16:19,944
Al:
Hey! Hey, not there!
325
00:16:19,945 --> 00:16:21,712
Not th--
hey, watch it now!
326
00:16:21,713 --> 00:16:24,715
[al screams]
327
00:16:34,692 --> 00:16:36,927
Well, buck's been locked
down in the basement
328
00:16:36,928 --> 00:16:39,529
For two weeks now.
329
00:16:39,530 --> 00:16:43,133
With absolutely no female
contact whatsoever.
330
00:16:43,134 --> 00:16:45,135
God, how I envy him.
331
00:16:46,571 --> 00:16:47,704
Watch this, peg.
332
00:16:47,705 --> 00:16:49,206
Buck!
333
00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:51,942
Lady briard!
334
00:16:51,943 --> 00:16:54,444
[snarling and growling]
335
00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:57,514
Lassie!
336
00:16:57,515 --> 00:17:00,017
[snarling and growling]
337
00:17:01,887 --> 00:17:03,387
Nancy reagan!
338
00:17:11,296 --> 00:17:14,098
See, that's why I never
believed that sinatra story.
339
00:17:16,167 --> 00:17:17,902
Let's get him back
in the mood again.
340
00:17:17,903 --> 00:17:19,870
Buck!
341
00:17:19,871 --> 00:17:21,538
Mommy's shoes!
342
00:17:21,539 --> 00:17:24,108
[snarling and growling]
343
00:17:24,109 --> 00:17:26,276
I'd say he's ready.
344
00:17:26,277 --> 00:17:28,979
Honey, are you sure you should
be going out so soon?
345
00:17:28,980 --> 00:17:31,849
I mean, the lockjaw
just cleared up.
346
00:17:32,617 --> 00:17:33,617
Come on.
347
00:17:33,618 --> 00:17:34,885
Here he is, peg.
348
00:17:34,886 --> 00:17:36,754
Looking unintelligent
as ever.
349
00:17:36,755 --> 00:17:38,556
But I'll tell ya,
from the looks of my playboys
350
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:39,957
He shredded down there,
351
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:42,059
I'll say he's ready to rock
to the tune of 10 grand.
352
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:45,096
Come on. There we go.
Come on.
353
00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:46,497
Well, al, be careful.
354
00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:49,366
I heard that the mcginty''
poodle was in heat.
355
00:17:49,367 --> 00:17:50,434
Al:
Heel, boy!
356
00:17:50,435 --> 00:17:52,602
Heel! Heel! Oh, whoa, heel!
357
00:18:00,244 --> 00:18:01,244
Oh, and you know,
358
00:18:01,245 --> 00:18:03,914
So is the ritter's irish setter
359
00:18:03,915 --> 00:18:05,416
Right across the street.
360
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:06,550
Al:
You're killing me, boy!
361
00:18:06,551 --> 00:18:08,251
Killing me, boy!
362
00:18:10,789 --> 00:18:14,592
And also the finleys' beagle
behind our house.
363
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,393
Al:
Hey now, buck! Hey now, buck!
364
00:18:16,394 --> 00:18:17,861
Hey! Ah! Oh!
365
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:23,701
[sighs]
366
00:18:23,702 --> 00:18:25,202
Yep, I used to play hockey,
367
00:18:25,203 --> 00:18:26,370
And I was great.
368
00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:27,638
Then I said to myself,
369
00:18:27,639 --> 00:18:32,142
"bud, you're an artist,
and very handsome.
370
00:18:32,143 --> 00:18:35,379
"why would you let
your violent side take over?
371
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:39,683
If you must swing a stick,
swing a stick for love."
372
00:18:40,985 --> 00:18:42,953
That's beautiful.
373
00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:45,055
Take me.
374
00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:52,662
Well, it's been
a while since, uh--
375
00:18:52,663 --> 00:18:55,165
[laughs]
376
00:18:55,166 --> 00:18:56,767
Well, it's been a while
377
00:18:56,768 --> 00:18:58,702
Since your daddy took
buck to do the deed.
378
00:18:58,703 --> 00:19:02,206
That 10,000 bucks
should be on the way.
379
00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:03,206
Well, that's good,
mom,
380
00:19:03,207 --> 00:19:05,743
'cause I'm running
low on lamè.
381
00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:09,613
Did they reinstitute
the draft or something?
382
00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:12,616
Peg:
He's here!
383
00:19:12,617 --> 00:19:13,650
We're rich!
Yes!
384
00:19:13,651 --> 00:19:16,220
Oh, al, gimme
that check.
385
00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:19,122
Honey, this isn't
a check for $10,000.
386
00:19:19,123 --> 00:19:22,025
This is a bill
for $10,000.
387
00:19:22,026 --> 00:19:23,226
If you look closer,
388
00:19:23,227 --> 00:19:26,597
You'll see it's a bill
for $100,000.
389
00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:28,933
See, buck was ready,
all right.
390
00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:35,839
A little bit more ready
than our lady of astoria.
391
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,474
Or should I say,
392
00:19:37,475 --> 00:19:39,977
The late lady of astoria?
393
00:19:41,479 --> 00:19:43,480
To death, al?
394
00:19:47,285 --> 00:19:49,286
And beyond, peg.
395
00:19:51,189 --> 00:19:52,455
But don't worry,
396
00:19:52,456 --> 00:19:55,659
The hundred thou is payable
over a three-day period.
397
00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:56,794
So I figure, you know,
398
00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:58,595
A couple of busy days
at the shoe store,
399
00:19:58,596 --> 00:20:02,599
Maybe a lemonade stand manned
by my two daughters, here...
400
00:20:04,736 --> 00:20:06,170
...We'll be able to save up
enough money
401
00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:08,272
To buy a chocolate bar
and maybe some nylons
402
00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:10,807
For my new cellmate, bruno.
403
00:20:12,143 --> 00:20:13,244
Kelly:
Daddy?
404
00:20:13,245 --> 00:20:14,778
If it'll help any,
405
00:20:14,779 --> 00:20:19,149
You can have my share
of the $10,000.
406
00:20:21,052 --> 00:20:24,555
I'll miss you
most of all, scarecrow.
407
00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:27,123
Uh, excuse me.
408
00:20:27,124 --> 00:20:30,361
So you're not getting
a cut of $10,000?
409
00:20:30,362 --> 00:20:31,829
Well, no, but...
410
00:20:31,830 --> 00:20:35,165
What difference does that make
when we have what we have?
411
00:20:37,202 --> 00:20:38,602
Have that.
412
00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:40,704
Fine!
413
00:20:40,705 --> 00:20:43,106
There's plenty more
where you came from, babe.
414
00:20:44,842 --> 00:20:47,377
I gotta see this.
415
00:20:47,378 --> 00:20:48,778
Girl:
He didn't get the money.
416
00:20:48,779 --> 00:20:50,214
Girls:
Let's burn him!
417
00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:52,115
Yeah!
Whoo!
418
00:20:52,116 --> 00:20:53,917
Bud:
Not there! Not there!
419
00:20:53,918 --> 00:20:55,485
Girl: Kill him!
Bud: Watch it now!
420
00:20:58,289 --> 00:21:00,924
Aw, honey, don't be sad.
421
00:21:00,925 --> 00:21:02,559
The worst thing that happened
422
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,394
Is that we owe
another hundred grand.
423
00:21:04,395 --> 00:21:05,696
I mean, what are they
gonna do?
424
00:21:05,697 --> 00:21:06,996
Garnish your paycheck?
425
00:21:06,997 --> 00:21:08,498
[laughs]
426
00:21:09,667 --> 00:21:11,535
[chuckles]
427
00:21:11,536 --> 00:21:12,703
Yeah. Or yours.
428
00:21:12,704 --> 00:21:15,572
[both laugh]
429
00:21:15,573 --> 00:21:18,041
You know, go into
the kids' college funds.
430
00:21:18,042 --> 00:21:20,043
[both laughing]
431
00:21:20,712 --> 00:21:22,246
Or our retirement fund.
432
00:21:22,247 --> 00:21:23,747
We don't have any!
433
00:21:23,748 --> 00:21:26,182
[both laughing]
434
00:21:26,183 --> 00:21:27,851
Or our life insurance.
435
00:21:27,852 --> 00:21:29,853
[both laughing]
436
00:21:31,256 --> 00:21:32,756
We have nothing!
437
00:21:32,757 --> 00:21:34,758
[both laughing]
438
00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:37,394
[both sigh]
439
00:21:37,395 --> 00:21:41,265
Ah, you really know how
to make me feel better, peg.
440
00:21:41,266 --> 00:21:45,469
And you know what you could do
to make me feel better.
441
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:46,936
Way ahead of you, babe.
442
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:50,741
[sighs]
443
00:21:53,745 --> 00:21:55,245
[clears throat]
444
00:22:13,230 --> 00:22:15,332
Al:
Hey, how 'bout that one?
445
00:22:15,333 --> 00:22:17,434
Peg:
You're the king, baby.
446
00:22:17,435 --> 00:22:19,436
Al:
You got that right.
447
00:22:25,043 --> 00:22:27,511
[♪]